4 Ways to Combat Curse Words
It’s one of those parenting milestones, one you don’t forget (as much as you may try). The day your child utters his first curse word, everything stops.
WHAT did he say?
Where could he have picked that up?
What should I do about it?
How you choose to combat curse words may vary depending on your child’s age, but here are four different options that other parents have used to keep swear words out of their kids’ vocabulary.
Curse Reaction 1: Ignore It
Some children may curse because they’re trying to get a reaction out of you. Even young children who don’t know what the word mean may curse simply because it’s known to shock adults.
If you stay calm and ignore what the child has said, you take away the shock value of the curse word and render it ineffective. Not only that, the child may also end up forgetting the word entirely, especially since you’re not saying it either.
Curse Reaction 2: Offer Alternatives
If ignoring the curse word isn’t making it go away, it may be time to address the issue with the child.
The child may be cursing because he’s frustrated and is trying to express an emotion. In this case, you can explain that “I understand you’re upset, but the word you used bothers people.” Then offer more appropriate alternatives to the curse to allow the child to express himself without cursing. Mild things like “rats” and “fudge” are common, but you can use whatever word(s) you like. (One mom used “peanut butter.”)
Curse Reaction 3: Allow It In Isolation
Another method to handle cursing is to tell the child that the word they have just used is “bathroom talk.” In other words, it’s a word that may only be said in the bathroom.
Tell the child that if he wants to use that language, he has to go into the bathroom and shut the door while he gets it out of his system. When he is finished with this “bathroom talk,” he can come out. Be very matter-of-fact about it and simply tell the child that those words must stay in the bathroom because you don’t like to hear them.
Curse Reaction 4: Implement Consequences
Some children will need the added incentive of consequences in order to stop cursing. Remember to closely tie the consequence to the situation at hand.
For example, if the child curses while playing with his siblings, then he should be removed from the group and have to play alone for 15 minutes. If he curses during arts and crafts, his project should be taken away. If he curses during dinner time, he will not get dessert.
What do YOU do when a child curses? What methods have you found to be most effective?
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August 6th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
If my child say a curse word I usually give him time out or take away his favorite toy or game this always work for me because no child like to be in another area while everyone is haveing fun, they think about what they did and why they said what they said, I let my son’s know why and the reasons they are on time out or something takeing away so they do not get confused or the wrong impressions. The best solution is to keep the home free of bad words from adults so that the children wont repeat them, children say what they hear. Thanks.
August 7th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I sit regularly for two families. The one family, the girls are old enough to know better than to use inappropriate language (11, 13 and 15). They do occassionally use words they shouldn’t, not necessarily curse words, but not appropriate for young ladies (”that’s so gay…” “how retarded”). When that happens, I just say “wait, that’s so what?” they respond with what they said initially…and it usually takes a couple times of repeating that for them to get the idea. Then I ask them to come up with a “more creative” way to put that.
With the younger girls (7 and 9), I usually just need to tell them that the word is “not polite.” They got home from camp once and said that people were calling a girl retarded to make her cry…so I explained why it was hurtful and that they shouldn’t be using it. They agreed that it wasn’t nice and I have never heard it again.
I think it is also pretty important to make sure your own language is free of “impolite language” even when you think no one is listening. If you curse, don’t be upset when your kids start doing it too…
August 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
one of the big things too is if they here you saying it they will say it too.
so make sure you don’t say any thing you don’t want them to use.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
I think one of the best things you can do for a child when they curse is to tell them that it is not nice to say bad words like that around people . (even your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandpa, or grandma)
August 11th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Thankfully, so far, the only language issues I’ve had have been with a kiddo trying to say “ship” and it sounding like he’d learned -another- word! His mom and I got a laugh out of that, since he decided to call the book he saw it in (The Cat in the Hat) the “Ship Book,” so I got to explain to his mom what he was actually asking for later that day.
I usually work with pretty young children though. I’ll definitely tuck all this away for later.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:52 am
When a child is cussing, simply ignore it! Cussing back will not make the child to back down, instead it’ll make him/her more defensive. Cussing back makes a child feel attacked so in order to defend him/herself, the child will continue cussing till he/she reaches breaking point (starts crying, throwing a fit or storm away).
1ST APPROACH: So the best solution is to ignore the child then give the child a break to calm down. After a short time (30-45mins later), go up to the child and talk to him/her about their act. It’s important to give the child & yourself enough time to gather your thoughts. You don’t want to rush advising them because that might put them in a defense mode again.
2ND APPROACH: If the advise approach fails, then take away a personal belonging the child cherishes till he/she learns that there are other ways to let out our anger.
3RD APPROACH: Assign the child a task he/she dislikes very much. For example if the child’s chore is folding socks after laundry, make him/her fold the socks, the ties, and do the dishes as well. Children will do anything to make sure they are not assigned boring tasks. So if a child feels grown enough to throw around cuss words, he/she should also be grown enough to fulfill any task assigned to them.
If properly carried out, the 1st approach should work, so there wouldn’t be any need for the 2nd or 3rd approach. But its a guarantee that one or all of this approach will work, if properly used.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I agree with the time outs and everything, but it gets a little more difficult if say you have young children in a daycare setting for a couple of hours a day and your child either passes on the curse language or picks it up. Then you kind of have to talk to the teacher (and have them talk to the other parent that your child could have possibly picked up the language from) and talk to your child why its wrong to say, or if it is your child that is passing it on, to keep that language to themselves to prevent others from getting in trouble for repeating it.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:08 am
The “bathroom talk” technique may not always work because with certain rebellious children, they feel that they can go in the bathroom and scream all the words they want or stand right inside the door and yell them down the hallway. It gives the child the freedom to use this words so that it is stuck in their vocabulary.