Should Sitters “Love” the Kids?
Should sitters “love” the kids? Ask a babysitter and she’ll probably say, “Of course!” Especially considering that so many babysitters and nannies are in this profession because of their passion for children, it would make sense that a caregiver would become completely attached to her charges.
But should she love them? One mom blogger, Amy Jo, over at Philly Moms Blog doesn’t think so.
“When my mom or my sister-in-law kisses my daughter and tells her that they love her, it’s not unusual. But it is a little strange, for me at least, when the babysitter or teacher does so.”
Amy Jo’s Viewpoint: No, It’s Strange
“Maybe it’s because I’m uncertain of the sincerity. For example, our if our teacher/babysitter friend said ‘I love you’ to my kids, I wouldn’t be as uncomfortable as I would if a teacher that didn’t know them so well said it. After all, isn’t a major part of a mother’s job to protect their children?”
“My oldest is only three and change, and I doubt he understands the difference between how his parents love him and how his teachers ‘love’ him. I would hate for him to suffer any kind of hurt over this confusion.”
“Maybe it’s because it’s the end of the year and I’m thinking that some people might be trying to butter me up for end of year gifts. How else would you explain an aid I’ve never met and seldom seen in my daughter’s building telling her she loves her right in front of me? I don’t mean to be cynical, but, well, I guess I am.” (emphasis ours)
Amy Jo admits that she is insecure and overprotective, but it’s still insulting to think that a caregiver tells the children “I love you” simply to get a gift out of it. Cynical, indeed.
Jeanne’s Viewpoint: Yes, It’s Great!
Jeanne Sager over at Strollerderby wrote a rebuttal — one that we applaud.
She said:
“Hold on a minute here. Doesn’t everyone who ‘loves’ our kids love them in different degrees? You don’t tell Great Aunt Sally not to say ‘I love you’ even though she sees them once a year and can barely remember their names, do you?”
“I chose my sitter based on a number of factors — but the number one was how she related to kids. She genuinely likes being around them and caring for them. So yes, I believe she loves my daughter. Not the kind of all-consuming love that I have for her, of course, but a love that makes her take the kind of care of her that I’d want someone to take while I can’t be with her.”
“You can’t just turn the mama/papa bear thing on during the hours you watch a child and turn it off when they walk out the door.”
Sound Off
We agree with Jeanne. It’s great if a caregiver says she loves your children. Someone else saying that they love your kids doesn’t lessen, cheapen or otherwise affect your own love for them! Nothing can even compare to the love a parent has for his/her child — so why is it even a competition in the first place?
If you’re a parent whose caregiver says she loves your kids, those children are lucky to be surrounded by so much love.
Well, there — we’ve said our piece. Now it’s your turn.
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May 27th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
wow! I am a teacher and a sitter and maybe parents often don’t know that most people in my profession do LOVE children. How else would we be able to put up with the “accidents” we clean up and the dirty diapers, the tears, the back talk and tantrums. I think that sometimes parents do not know about the fact that we spend hours a day with your children and often know them very well. Parents should want a good teacher or sitter who loves children and will grow to love yours. Often we know a lot about them, more than you may think and see their personalities and help and nurture them. You should feel happy and lucky that we love them.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
As a mommy, I still babysit and nanny for various families and take my children along for the ride normally. I do love the children I care for. One parent asked me once, that if there was a fire and I could only save one child, would I save hers or mine…I told her that I would save hers and I meant it…Just a few weeks later, my son was injured by a child I was caring for…Once the ambulance was called, and EMTs had arrived, I almost forgot I had a child because I was so concerned about the child that had hurt mine. I really do love “my kids” and would take the moon out of the sky if I needed to to help them…and their parents know it..Which is why, after 3 years of being a mommy, I still care for their kids and see them for “just for fun” dates and love them just the same…
My son does attend pre-school and while they do not know him like I know him, I know that he is loved, and I hope they tell him so. He needs to hear that those who care for him, love him. I think it is important for children to not just experience affection, but to also hear “I love you” from those they spend the most time with…
May 27th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Tiffany, I’m stunned!!!!!!!!!! Did a parent actually ask you that? This is something that I believe if I mentioned to anyone I know, they also would find it bizarre. Why in the world would a selfish mom put you in that position? And why, oh why, would you even reply in that manner? I have said it a million times, sitters on this site, as well as others, I am sure, constantly respond to these blogs the way they think a “parent” wants them to. In other words, say the most pleasing things to keep the parents happy. I feel as though I just perform as a nanny to the best of my own capabilities, and hope for the best. And before anyone responds with “how nasty she sounds, I sure would not want her sitting for my children” sorta comments, please note that I have been sitting for numerous families both occasional and weekly, overnight and for several nights, with some of my regular families since their little guys were babies. I cannot say that any of them would expect me to be telling their children that I love them constantly, it actually just shows in my actions throughout the day or evening. I know that these children in my care feel special as they show excitement when I show up and we have a great time while I’m there. These parents I sit for are secure in their own relationships in life, as am I, and just treating their children extremely well seems to be more than enough. I have seen some nannies over the years that seem a little too overboard with the children in their care, as though they are trying to feel some deep-seeded void in their own lives, perhaps empty nest syndrome, not sure, and at times, it has taken me aback and felt a little creepy, so I may know where the mom that originally asked the question is coming from. My children are grown, 23 and 25, I am single, have a precious Boston Terrier at home, and I can say with all honesty that I enjoy the children I am with during the day, would do anything to protect them, always want them to feel special and hope that I make a positive impact on their lives always, even when they are grown. I often think about how I am going about my day with these children and am I doing the right thing with my voice, my tone, my actions, etc. because I want them to remember me somewhat when they are older and have nothing but good thoughts about the time I spent with them.
I actually had one little guy that I sat with many times over the course of 4 years and he and I were “buddies” when he was in my care. I thought he was a special little boy and would tell my daughter, girlfriends, etc. about him occasionally. I never knew I had made that much of an impact on him as he had other sitters come over from our agency when I wasn’t available, as well as vice versa. The family was at a family function when Charles interrupted everyone at dinner (he was 4 at the time). He said “everybody, I’ve got to tell you something.” Everyone said what is it Charles? He proceeded to say “Ms. Susan is my bestest friend in the whole world.” His mom called to let me know that and I questioned was it not his preschool teacher, also named Susan and she stated “no, he was talking about you.” That meant the world to me, and I had never told the little guy once that I loved him, nor he I, but it dosen’t have to come with verbally saying “I love you”. It can come in those forms as well.
May 27th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
I love “my kids” I sit for. How can you spend so much time with these lil guys and not? When people ask if I have children I tell them no, but I do have “8 children that I would claim”. lol. I love all 8 that i watch. to the fact that two of “my kids” will be my flower girls in my wedding in 3 weeks.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
I just started my first full time nanny position almost two months ago. I told myself when I started that I needed to love the kids but not too much because it’s a known fact that they will outgrow a nanny or the family circumstances could change or whatever….the job WILL at some point end and I think it’s harder on everyone if a nanny is TOO attached to the kids. What do others think? I think this is a great question and I have wanted to ask other full time nannies. Having said that I was sick last week and the family said they could call an agency to cover for me and I didn’t want to let a “stranger” take care of “my” kids! lol
May 27th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
jenny, that is exactly what i feel like. they aren’t mine, but i sure would take them. the kids that i’ve been sitting for regularly for the past year are about to move away i only have 2 more days with them and i’m honestly sad. i have really truly enjoyed my time with them. the boy (3/4) has been potty trained with my help, the girl (2) has increased her vocabulary. they have grown up so much and i’m really going to miss them. they are great little kids that i would be proud to call my own.
May 28th, 2009 at 1:42 am
I do care very much about the children I sit for. I teach as well during the school yaer but I become very attached to my ’students’ at school, as well as my ‘kids’ I sit for. However, I am careful about the kind of affection I display toward all children. In this day and age, there are many diverse families with different cultures and beliefs. I will say “your children are really awesome….today little Johnny tried to imitate the sounds I was making while reading him a story. He is very smart…” or something along those lines. To show the parents what attributes I see in their children, and to also display the affection I have for them. With an 0bjective, and professional approach. There is a line and I never cross it. Theresa in Denver
May 28th, 2009 at 11:15 am
All the children I take care of “Love” me and I love them. Children need to know that they are loved and wanted by everyone who closely effect there lives. Love means, “I accept you the way you are…good or bad…happy or sad!” This is constant that my parents can depend on, appreciate and respect. They know that when they leave me with their children…everything is OK. I am honest with the children and the parents about behavior and expectations and we have open dialog so that care is consistant.
I love my job and I love children!
Roberta Morse-Tuttle
Your Mobile Nanny….at your service!
May 28th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I agree, as a mother I love my own kids, but as a babysitter you become just as attached. Many times babysitters are the basic caregivers in a child’s life, how can you not love someone you care for as your own? My best friend’s kids have been with me so much since birth and through out pregnancy that her oldest son who is six tells everyone he has two sets of parents because he knows that my husband and I love him as our own. I believe that kids need their sitters to care for them as there parents do, because while they are there parents when the parents can’t be around the children still need a loving person to come to with things. So yes, although after leaving them when they grow up it does hurt, nothing can replace the times I have had with all ‘my adopted babies’ whom I couldn’t forget.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:15 am
WOW, that is a deep question. Here is my perspective: As a long time nanny I have and still do love certain children that I have cared for. I don’t think any nanny or teacher loves every child they have cared for as a nanny or had in their class as a teacher. We all in a broad sense love children, that is why we do this work. But to say we love every child that we come into contact with I think is being a little dishonest. Yes we enjoy them and we enjoy spending time with them but some folks use the word love very lightly. If you really loved them in the true sense of the word it wouldn’t matter if the job ended for whatever reason, you would still have contact with them. I began careing for a child when she was 6wks old and I loved that child. The family moved from Ohio to Michigan to California but we never lost contact. She is almost 30yrs old now and we talk on a regular basis. I love her and she loves me and always ends our conversations with “I Love You”. Another child I was a nanny for when she was an infant is now 8yrs old. She emails me, I go pick her up and take her to the movie and have taken her other places. Then there are children I’ve worked with that I have no further contact with after the job ends. Did I care about them and enjoy being with them, yes but there was not that special bound that lasted after the employment ended. Nannies in most cases spend 8 to 10 hrs with a child they are caring for. Teachers spend much less time and are less involved in all aspects of their life. So I can see a nanny saying she loves her charge moreso than I can see a teacher saying the same thing. That takes nothing away from teachers but nannies do so much for the children and are in the child’s home in most cases. Even those who care for children in their homes are more involved in the day to day care of the child. They get them up and dressed; prepare meals; toilet train; discipline etc so they have a more personal relationship with the child.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:16 am
I just have to reiterate what everyone has been saying: anyone who is really in and truly good at this job has to love kiddos like crazy. Of course our “love” is different than their parents love, but I agree, it doesn’t/shouldn’t diminish or take away for their love for and from their parents. It is important to keep certain boundaries of course and be professional. Understanding that you will leave these children at some point, they will move on, you will have to move on, and, likely, you won’t be able to see them much, perhaps not at all. I went into nannying with the thought in mind that I had to be careful not to love them too much, but how can you not? How can you put up with what you have to put up with (lol, really!), and have it still be the best job in the world, unless you really love those little munchkins? I love getting to know and love the little ones I’ve been fortunate to spend time with.
It’s important to emphasize mommy/daddy and talk about them throughout the day. I always talk to “my” kids about how much their mommy and daddy love them, and how they can’t wait to get home to see them and play with them again. I think it’s important to love the -whole- family, not just the child. A love that encompasses the family as individuals and as whole is a love that won’t compete with a parent/child love, but help keep the parent up to speed with their little one, and remind the child of their parent throughout the day.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:45 am
I call my dad &aunt at least once a month and I talk to my children often. When we are about to hang up I tell them that “i love them.” They use to answer “okay” then hang up. When I asked why did they do that, each said that it was never said in their household. When you love what you do or children especially, you should show love or tell them. You want your children to be comfortable, happy and enjoy his home away from home until you return, don’t you? Children have a language of their own, so how would you feel bringing your child to someone and he/she cries when you bring them? All of the children that is under my care reach out to me when they come, and reach out to their parents when they go. This is love. At least my family knows that I love them unconditionally.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:51 am
To continue:
Loving children is not like loving your job. We caregivers are working with human citizens of tomorrow. If one does not love children and are in it just for the money they should find another profession. Children need love. AnnMarie from Virginia.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:23 am
My Boss told her mother when she asked her one day if she feels funny when her son cries after me when I leave for home or don’t even react when she leaves for work. Her response to her mom was no. She said she would feel a way if he didn’t have that reaction to me. I thought about it when she relayed the conversation to me and I realized how unselfish she was in saying that. Think about it,most kids who are entrusted in the care of a nanny,babysitter etc… spends most of their day with that person,bonding,exploring etc…I know it’s hard for parents but that’s what you want when you hire a caregiver for your child,you want your child to be loved, safe and entertained because you would do the same if you were not at work. You want a caregiver who will treat your child as if it was their child.
When they interviewed me, she was a new mother about to start a new job, leaving her 3 mths old precious baby boy in the care of a stranger,one thing I remember her saying was that she wanted someone that will love him, keep him safe and happy. It’s never a guaranteed that a new nanny will work out but it’s a risk that most parents take, so when you see your child bonding with that caregiver, it should make you feel happy and breathe a sigh of relief.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I agree (peaches67) the children need to be loved at all times they are citizen of tomorrow.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I absolutely adore the kids that I babysit for! And I think it’s very important to love the kids you babysit for. As was stated earlier, for the time you are watching them, you are the mother figure. They need love and support to grow up healthy. I have been babysitting two kids (a girl 4/5 and a boy 3/4) for over 9 months. I have watched them grow so much! I wasn’t able to babysit them last month as I was in a show at a local theatre whose rehearsals conflicted with my babysitting hours and I missed them so much! The parents held the position for me and when I returned I felt like I had missed out in so much in their lives! The little girl learned to tie her shoes while I was gone and when she was showing me I almost cried I was so proud of her! The other day she told me “When I grow up I want to be just like you. You’re like a mommy when my mommy isn’t here.” I love them both so much and I think that’s important.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Perhaps I’ve been listening to the Beatles too much, but I don’t think that any harm can come from a child being loved by more people.
I work in an after school program, and I am also a nanny, and I babysit for most of my friends. I can say that I love ALL of those kids on some level. now, granted, I care for my best friend’s kids more than I do the ones at my after school program, but I still love them.
When interviewing for a job, once, someone asked me what I thought the best part of working with kids was, and I said “hugs” as silly as that sounds, and as much as I’m sure someone who doesn’t have a pure passion for children can do with that statement, the thing that I love most about kids is that they spread a simple, and basic kind of Love, to everyone in their life, and that’s what makes me able to have a bad day at home, and go to work and cheer up, now THAT is a unique job.
Anyways, all in all, children love everyone in their life and I think that it’s only fair that everyone in their life return the favor, including babysitters. Of course the love between a child and their parents is stronger than any other, and I don’t think we give kids enough credit if we don’t think they can tell.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Reading the replies, I feel a little teary. One of my best child care experiences was with one of the only two families I ever met on Sitter City. And what one poster said about “loving the whole family” is very true. Every member of that family- mother, father, grandmother, even the regular nanny- were kind, wonderful and thoughtful.
When they moved away several years ago, I really did feel an emotional loss. It felt more like losing a friend than losing a source of income (I actually had several other families at the time, and a teaching position lined up).
I received several cards in the mail, and in the past have called to see if she was enjoying her new school, neighborhood, and most importantly, her new nanny! I loved her in my own way, but the sadness was lessened because I know that her parents love her without measure, and would only choose the best possible caregiver for her (hence, choosing me!).
Recently, I lost my own mother and took part in the American Cancer Society’s Walk and Roll; even though I hadn’t had any contact with the family since Mother’s illness, when I reached out to them, they made sure that her name was in the contribution line as well, and sent me a note, telling me how she still speaks of me, 4 years later.
Kids in my class call me “mommy” all the time, to the point where I’ve jokingly threatened to start charging parents child support! I NEVER say I love you to any kid in my class, because I DON’T love all of them, and it wouldn’t be fair to give that sort of attention to some and not others, no matter how much I want to. But they know that I care deeply, and every year it gets harder to say goodbye to little urchins you’ve helped to evolve into little people!
You don’t have to “love” all kids. You just have to care for and respect them enough to treat them intelligently. I wouldn’t have believed more than 2 or three teachers who said they loved me, but I would have believed the ones who treated me well, and helped me to build my courage and ability to do for and respect myself and others.
May 31st, 2009 at 1:34 pm
I am a daycare teacher and a babysitter. I also care for children with disabilites. How can you not become attached? When you care for children for as many hours as many of sitters and teachers do, you fall in love. Atleast I have. In my classroom, there are 8 children that I care for and have fallen in love with. I love how as little as they are, they have their own personalities.
Plus, sometimes when your having the worst possible day and want to give up on the world, those little smiles and hugs make everything seem better. 
May 31st, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I was spoke up in a training about this subject. I pointed out that for me parents sometimes don’t relize how attached to thier children we get. I stated that during my 12 years of childcare adventures I often feel like a grandparent. I love these children, I worry about their well being, how they will grow up, I daydream about what they could be when they grow up, I have thoughts and opinions on the best way to raise them (which i keep to myself unless otherwise asked), I pray for them years after they have moved on. Saying goodbye is never easy friday was my last day at a learning center I have worked at for over two years I had to say goodbye to two years that I had taken care of when they were 6 months old. I was there for some of their major developments. I was just as much apart of those first foods, first steps, first words. Those chidren were my life for two years, five days a week, six hours a day. I cryed for days leading up to that last day knowing that I would not get to watch these kids grow up.
June 1st, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I worked at a day care center for 6 months and the owner said not to get attached to the kids and when your with them 5 days a weeks weather it be for a few hours or for the entire day you get attached to them. And when I left, I was really up set, because I was really loved these kids. Now one of them goes to the school that I graduated form.
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 am
In Todays times with all the wackos out there, I can see where the concern comes in. But as a Nanny I can only explain how I feel. Every child I have cared for, there has been some kind of attachment. My babysitting jobs were not that attached, but there was still more than strong like for them. As a Nanny I can say that the feelings are very strong. You can’t possibly be around a child, care for them, and keep them safe without forming an attachment. I always made sure that they knew who the Mama was, and that I was the Rara.(a nick name children have given me) I was with one family for 19 years and would do anything to protect and make them happy, that includes the parents. I am still in touch with that family as if they were my own. I am currently looking for a new position, and because of the attachments formed at my current place of employment. I will make sure that it is close enough to visit, and stay in touch with the children here, as I have done with the other children. A Nanny has to feel for her charges. A child would know if the Nanny cared or not. The parents might miss this if the Nanny is a good actress. I interviewed once with a lady who had twins. While I was with her , The temp- Nanny, she had walked by. The way she was holding the two babies, like they were a sack of potatoes , set off every alarm in my system. A baby, any baby in the arms of a person brings out a smile, and a look of serene awww.(couldn’t think of another word) The look on this lady was totally apathetic. It scared me silly. I told the lady, and she quickly got the agency to send her another Nanny. A good Nanny can love a child and keep to her boundaries . A open communication with the parents help. A note to future Nannies try not to be a revolving door Nanny. Be conscious of the fact that a child will also attach to you. It can get like” Divorce shock” for a child to have Nannies coming in and out of their life. As for love there is never to much love. We need all the love we can get, and we need to seed the world with love, so more grows.( It definitely couldn’t hurt).
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:21 pm
My heart goes out to Amy Jo who first posed this question. Hearing someone else say they love your child should never be hard — unless you have some issues about leaving your child with that person. Don’t be insecure == or even suspicious of motive. Consider the teacher — even if she doesn’t love your child, would you want her to say so? The word love doesn’t always require a bond. It’s an easy term to describe a good relationship. “I love pizza.”
I agree with the “Anonymous” comment above — that as you care for children, some you will inevitably love. Loving is what helps you get through those bad days where everyone is crabby. As a mother of grown children, I cannot help but feel that kind of maternal connection to some children. I don’t think every relationship goes to that level, but some just do. How could I kiss those boo boos and assure my little guys that they are safe and in good hands if they didn’t think I loved them? The ones I love — I keep going back. The ones I like — I go sometimes. The ones I don’t particularly care for — well — it’s usually mutual. It’s called chemistry. I don’t “nanny” — I have regular families I sit for on those days when day care is closed or whatever reason (or the regular nanny is on vacation) — but my heart is not for sale. I get paid for my time, but I spend time with children I care about. If I don’t enjoy them, how could they enjoy me?
June 9th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
At first I use to think telling a child that you love them was exceptable, until I landed this perfect baby sitting job, I was there with the baby from 7:00 am, until 5:00 pm, from monday to friday, by that time I became attach to the child, at that time she was 8 months old.
Not to mention, baby became attach to me as well, because I was with her more than her own parents.
The down side of this situation is that once I became attach to the child, the mother starting to become insecure. the husband liked me, he always say to me, thank you, you are doing a wonderful job with the baby. that really made smile. however. the mother insecurity got the best of her. from that moment on I knew my days was number. i really fell in love with that baby. I was oh so hurt when she gave me my walking papers. I was good to her, i did everything, including cleaning, washing, dusting, as well as caring for the child,
I can’t speak for other’s on this issue, only from my own experiance. now, when i care for a child. I don’t let myself get to attach to the child. I care for the child, but, never like I use to be. so, when that time come for me to move on, there’s no hard feelings.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I’ve been watching the same kids for nine years. How could I not love them and be attached? I would WANT a caregiver that loved my child. As long as its not inappropriate then what does it matter?
June 10th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Dear TiffanyAcuff, I’m sorry to hear that you would not try to save your own child first. Don’t you think you owe it to your child to think of him/her above anyone else, and protect your own flesh and blood before another????? What kind of Mother is so unloyal? I wouldn’t want you for my Mother. Now, thats the true meaning of LOVE. Loving the one you committed your life to, your own son or daughter and never betraying them for another in time of need.
June 10th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Thanks Anonymous, I am shocked you are actually the first person to respond to such ridiculousness after I did, way back on May 27th! I could only figure that the previous bloggers did not read what I had to say, perhaps people pass over long posts or just got sidetracked to what they had to say, but I was suprised no one else found it crazy. The incident with calling 911 and worrying more about the child that had hurt her child was even more mind boggling. What in the world is wrong with people? I will say it for the upteenth thousandth time, sitters on some of these sites just say exactly what they want potential families to hear them say. I use my full name on my post and I can honestly say I deeply care for the children I have watched over the years, continue to watch the same children, sometimes weekly, but maybe something is wrong with me, I have a tremendous bond with them and they with myself, but to say that I love them, I’m not sure I would use that term. I talk about them occasionally with my own grown children, such as something funny they did or said while I was there, something fun we did together, maybe try to describe what they look like when I first start with a new child to my daughter, etc. but I can’t remember saying to my own kids that I “love” this little guy or that little girl. I do not think it is abnormal, perverted, or whatever, but it is bizarre to me to hear some of these women discuss how much they love the children they keep. I would be interested to know if that means you all think about them from the time you leave their home after being with them and you can’t wait to get back to them? Just very curious. I think the world of the children in my charge, but I can’t say honestly that I take that home with me. Please someone help me understand this, I’m not cold-hearted, just confused.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
susanlamb,I don’t think you are cold-hearted. I expect caregivers to Like my child. I actually had one that didn’t and boy it showed in the way she interacted with him. Love is a strong word; it is not the same as you have for your own child. I don’t expect that. But I think it’s just that language is so limited. If you are able to forgive the messes and smells, the tantrums and back talk and still greet my child with a smile and hug, I’m happy with that. If I can tell that my child is more than a number or tuition check, and will get your attention, that’s what’s important to me.
As for what to do in an emergency, I wouldn’t ask such an awful question because there is no good answer. Licensed caregivers have training and procedures. I hope and pray they do their best to protect my child and all the kids in their care.
June 12th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I am a nanny as well, but quite honestly if I were interviewing someone for a childcare position and for some twisted reason asked the interviewee which child she would save.. I would expect her to say her own. In fact, I may be a little worried if she didn’t. If she can’t love her own child unconditionally and above all others, what makes you think she can care for and love yours?
on the topic of loving children, I am a nanny now and have worked with the same family for 8 months now, and I DO miss those kids when I go home. I do want to spend my time with them. When I see an activity going on in my town I think “I should take the kids to that!”. I also used to work at a preschool 40 hours a week in an infant room with 3 little boys and a little girl, when I left that job, it broke my heart to see those kids growing without me. I still sit for one of them, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I really wouldn’t say that I have loved every child that I’ve ever spent time with. That’s ludicrous
June 12th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
This Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about. She must be very insecure about her power and motherwood.
I’m glad she is not my son’s baby-sitter. Can you imagine your dear little one being taken cared of by this Mom…”if”…she were a nanny or a sitter? I can’t!
Be thankfull your nanny or baby-sitter loves your son or daughter and expresses her feelings, not having to worry or stress about any kind of competition. Children are here to be loved and respected and surrounded by people that are gifted with this wonderful feeling.
I’m a latin Mom and latin parents love to say “I love you” and they mean it!
It’s not a shame, neither embaracing to express feelings…good fellings! The nanny or baby-sitter should respect the family social behavior in order to not create conflicts, but when there is an opportunity to express love in words and the feeling is genuine, it can only be good to the child.
Mom…if you have chosen a nanny or a baby-sitter to take care of your child, considering all the demands you think it’s necessary for this important task…why to worry about this particular matter? Instead, try to know your child’s nanny or baby-sitter as best as you can and think that you need her help as much as she needs your appreciation and respect. Try to be her friend and I’m sure you will feell much more confortable and happy about the kind of “love” she feells for your beloved one.
Word of a mother and baby-sitter!
June 14th, 2009 at 12:53 am
I do love the boys (3 and 5 years old) I take care of and they love me too. I have been working with them full time for over 3 years and we developed “this love”. It doesn’t happend at the first week. I feel part of the family and all the cards (x-mas, b-days, easter…) they give or send to me always comes with WE LOVE YOU from the family. I love them all as much as they love me. I had an accident (out of my work hours) a year ago and the parents left the boys with their neighboors to meet with me and take me to the hospital. Don’t you think they love me?
I always explain to “my boys” that I love them, not more or not less than their parents, but it is just a different way to love.
They spend Fridays night at my house and they see me as their older sister. We develope and grow a relationship everyday. Step by step.
Kids love is the most pure and sincere love, so if they say thy love you, believe me, they are telling the truth.
Whatever I can do for those boys, honestly, I will. Because I love them!
June 14th, 2009 at 6:35 am
I LOVE the kids I work with. So much so, it boggles the mind when I think about how much the parents must love them, because I know it can’t compare to how I love them.
I love seeing every new development, I love when they return the affection, I love when they accept me into their lives.
And I honestly don’t see any problem with it - it makes me better at my job.
June 14th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
As a mom I always expeted my children were care with love, respect and devotion. As a babysitter I do this with the children I care for and I am sure most parents expect a loving treatment for their children whoever is sharing time with them. Of course, a babysitter or nanny must get so involved in the development of the children personality, so it is very important to give them a safe, sane and loving enviroment to grow up as integral human beings. To me, affection and love are feelings inherent to a babysitter and the most rewarding aspect of babysitting, is the feedback you receive from kids.
Valuable comments above. I am amazed reading and learning from them. Lol
Warm regards to all of you from a babysitter in Orlando, FL.
June 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I think you are taking it the wrong way there mommy.. If you admit to being insecure and overprotective, then this is probably the case.
I have 2 young boys now 5 and 7, and their teachers and teachers aid are very attached to them and tell me all the time how they love them and enjoy having them in there class room. And not to receive a gift, If you have talked to the teacher you will know that their reward is to see the growth and change in the children they teach. (This is why they become teachers)And if you are worried about a “Gift” have your child make her something. Children know the difference between a mommies love and a teachers love, kids are smarter than you think, not to mention it is naturally built into us before we are born. So lighten up a bit…Remember it takes a village to raise a child. No such thing as to much love!!!
July 11th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
The first time I came across the issue of Nanny’s loving “there children” was in the movie “The Nanny Diaries” when the little boy said I love you to his nanny and the the voice in the backround saying “should I say the most unforbidden 3 words back…” and she did, Nanny said “I Love you too.” Such a contraversal subject over such a natural and great thing! Fact of the matter is, as a nanny you are helping mold these children into the person they will be when they grow up. I am with “my little ones” 45 hours a week and yes they can really push my buttons and test my patience but without Love how else are you supposed to handle rough situations kindly and rationally? When you help them learn to use the potty, when they have learned there ABC’s and 123’s, there shapes and colors because you have put in the man(women) hours helping them learn the basis of all the education they will soon be exposed too. How about when you teach the lil munchkins to write there own name for the first time? How to tie there shoe? How to ride a bike! I have read many Job Descriptions that say they would like a Nanny that would become part of the family. Well, that involves Love! Children are smart enough to know the difference between there parents and there nanny. When mommy and daddy walk in the door in the evening who is the little kids running up too? Doesn’t matter how much a nanny is around the kids will always choose parents first. So the parents shouldn’t worry so much!! Be happy that there are people out there that are willing to take care of your child with Love and kindness when your gone working to bring home the bacon. And with these Nannies that say they watch how attatched they get to the kids they care for? I don’t even thing thats possible if your around the same child(ren) long enough. Kids have away of taking your heart whether you want to admit it or not. I agree with the above comment, “…takes a village to raise a child!” So embrace the people who are willing to be apart of that village
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I am a nanny and a mother. As a Nanny I do love my charges and whether you say I LOVE YOU or say it in diffrent ways. It is the same thing. If you can spend that much time with a child and not love them I think you need a new job.
I love them like my own but I know they are not mine and there is an emotional line that you don’t let yourself cross and get so invested you lose reality. Ive heard nanny’s say I’m like a second mommy. That isnt how its supposed to be. We are not the mothers but we can nurture and love them when their mothers can not.
My daughter goes to a great private school they are loving but firm. Its a great balance. teachers often tell them I love you and give hugs. I love that she has that kind of care when she isnt with me.
Nannys Love those Kids most of you are with them 40+ hours a week its good for them
September 6th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
As a daycare provider, I agree that it would be impossiable not to love the kids you care for. Other wise you would be a very cold insensetive person.
As a mother, I WOULD want someone who loved my children, then I know they are cared for. I have had some of day cares where my kids just didn’t want to go and cried, where I had to go back and get them. It was horritable on me and him. I did day care while my children were young.
I would like to hear from some MOM’S that are not providers. What’s their opinion on this subject. Maybe if take away their fears, then everyone will be happy.
Lynette