It’s a fact of life: siblings fight. Sometimes it only amounts to a mild tiff, other times it’s a knock-down, drag-out nightmare. Either way, as a parent or a caregiver, there are a few things you can do to help reduce the fights between siblings and restore a little more sanity back into the home.

Let them express themselves.
As the adult, it’s tempting to try to talk kids out of their feelings. Saying things like “Oh, Sarah, you shouldn’t be mad at your brother” doesn’t help diffuse the anger. Instead, acknowledge the child’s frustration and then suggest an activity to channel her feelings. You might say, “You sound mad. You wish your brother would ask to borrow your toy before taking it. Let’s draw a picture of angry feelings.”

Don’t compare the siblings.
It may be true that little Billy is more clean and organized than Sarah, but telling Sarah that she “needs to be more like Billy” only serves to build a bigger divide between the siblings. Instead, if you see one child doing something you don’t approve of, address that specific issue without bringing the other sibling into it. For example, if Sarah takes out five games without putting them away, you could say, “I see games out that we’re not using and they need to be put away. Please put them back in the closet.”

Don’t take sides in a fight.
Even though you may do all you can to reduce fights, science still hasn’t come up with a way to TOTALLY eliminate them. So when a fight does occur, don’t pick a side and don’t try to figure out who started the fight. While punishing the instigator may put a stop to things in that moment, it can also increase resentment and make the punished child more determined to “even the score.” Instead, comment on the behavior you see. You might say, “I see two children fighting,” and then choose to separate them by having them play alone in different parts of the room.

Stay out of minor fights.
Bickering and smaller tiffs can happen quite a bit, and in those cases, it’s better if you don’t even acknowledge the fight. For example, if you’re caring for three children and two of them begin bickering, you could say, “If you two are going to fight, please go into Sarah’s room so we don’t have to hear it.” This encourages them to settle their own differences and also shows them that you’re not going to take sides.

Of course, if a fight is escalating, getting physical or getting out of control, you have to step in to put a stop to it to keep the children safe. In this case, it’s good to immediately stop the children’s actions, separate them without blaming anyone and then talking to them about how everyone can solve the problem once they have calmed down.

It’s never pretty, but each fight is an opportunity to teach the children and help them grow. If handled well, it can even start bringing them closer together!

So, sitters, parents — do you have any tips or tricks you usually use to end sibling fights?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 at 11:29 am and is filed under Child Care. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.