Temper Tantrum Tips
Temper tantrums — whether you’re a parent or a sitter, you’ve undoubtedly experienced the kicking, screaming, crying meltdowns that make us cringe.
They may be unavoidable, but they are manageable. Let’s take an in-depth look at tantrums and some common tips/tactics that can help.
Why Temper Tantrums Occur
Temper tantrums are most common in children between the ages of 1 and 3. Most likely, this is because children at this age have limited vocabulary and get frustrated when they can’t express themselves clearly.
The obvious reasons a child may launch into a full-blown tantrum include hunger, tiredness and not feeling well, but these aren’t the only tantrum triggers.
Children may also get overwhelmed — emotionally (they don’t get their way), mentally (they can’t figure out what you’re trying to say) or physically (exhaustion kicks in after a long shopping trip) — and may act out as a way to release that energy.
Or, children may throw tantrums as a way to exert their independence, to show you that they can think for themselves.
Tantrum Prevention
- Keep you expectations reasonable. Since tantrums can occur when children are frustrated, don’t ask/expect them to do something they’re not yet capable of. For example, if little Anna isn’t coordinated enough to brush her hair yet, don’t expect her to be able to handle the task on her own.
- Try not to say “no” all the time. Constantly telling a child “no” makes him feel helpless and may cause him to get frustrated and/or overcompensate by acting out.
- Look for patterns. Do the tantrums always occur around dinner time? Perhaps an afternoon nap would help. Do they seem to occur at the end of outings? Try making the outing shorter so it’s less overwhelming/tiresome.
Temper Tantrum Tips
- Don’t react. Stay calm and keep yourself from yelling.
- Stay put. Unless you’re about to lose your cool, don’t storm out of the room — it can make the child feel abandoned and more frustrated.
- Be firm. Don’t simply give the child whatever he wants just to end the tantrum. This will teach him that his bad behavior is acceptable and effective.
- Use positive reinforcement. Praise the child when he calms down and make a big deal about how proud you are that he is now expressing himself like a big boy.
- Be consistent. Whatever tantrum method is used, you must be consistent. This can include using the exact same words or tone each and every time a tantrum erupts.
Two Tantrum Tactics
1. Encourage calmness. When a child whines, cries or screams, some sitters pretend that the child is speaking a completely different language. They tell him that they want to help, but that first the child has to speak in a language the babysitter understands. These babysitters will then help the child relax and express what he wants calmly.
(Note: This is why it’s important to understand why a child throws a tantrum — if it could be because he’s frustrated that he can’t express himself, this method could do more harm than good.)
2. Distraction. If a child won’t calm down even after you’ve tried to address the problem, you may want to start another fun activity in another room/area; this can distract him and he may forget his temper as quickly as it started.
Feel free to share your own tantrum tips in the comments!
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June 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
One of the successful tips that I have found when a child is throwing a temper tantrum “sorry I don’t speak feet pounding but let me try to guess what your saying and then guess silly things.” If the kid is not too far gone and you can catch it early on this humor often works. Otherwise if the child is pretty much enthralled in their temper tantrum in a calm voice I say well Im gonna go play with these cars over here so whenever you are ready I would love to have you come play with me. Then once they come over I ask them to voice their opinions while playing so they still feel like they get their point across but in a way I can understand and then address their needs.
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:11 pm
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June 24th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Thats a really good tactic ninmaria89. I will try those for sure. My daughter is only 10 months and she has tantrums already. Well she has been having them for a few months now. Everyone says she is acting out but I just think she is still too young to know how to express herself alot of the time and she acts out because of it.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Excellent Temper Tantrum Tips!
July 8th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I tend to look at the child and say are those crocodile tears? How can I help? Show me what I can do? (Often times I just think the thought in my mind first as I assess the problem) Hmmm, I suggest we look at this toy over here it looks lonely and needs somebody to play with it. Also I utilize basic sign language with the children such as milk, eat, change me, and ‘all finished’ (if they grow impatient on the changing table). Sign language enables a 6 month old to be talking by the time he is 12 months of age.
July 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Those are 2 great tips. I think teaching sign language to babies is so smart. If the baby or child is too frustrated to find the words or too young this seems like it would really help out. I personally have used distraction and staying calm, being present but, if the child is old enough, using this time to clean up the toys . As I’m doing so, I calmly explain what i’m doing. I also say that when “Your able” I would love help and advise on the best place to put certain toys. I think that when they’re able to think clearly, this gives them a feeling of impowerment and control. At this stage of their life they have so little command over their life and environment.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
If i feel the child is hungry or tired I will simply say to the child, “I see that you are tired (or hungry) when you are ready for me to help you, let me know” usually the child will cry a little more and then calm themselves down. I don’t praise the child for calming down per say but I may make a comment like, “oh, now are you feeling better, let’s go get ready for bed, or lets go get some dinner” If the child is throwing a tantrum that is just a “I wanna get my way” tantrum I just make sure that they are safe, (not going to hurt themselves) and I will just let them go. If they are screaming I may say “that hurts my ears so I am going to walk away until you are finished” usually the child gets tired of the tantrum pretty quickly and then we can move on to doing something fun.
July 29th, 2009 at 11:40 am
When I was a home visitor/parent educator, we had a child therapist speak to the parents once a year on behavior topics. She explained that trying to reason with or even talk to a child in the middle of a tantrum is not effective. They are in an emotional upheaval/rage and adrenaline is taking over. She told us to say as soon as you feel better we can play, eat, fill-in the blank. Then stay nearby but don’t give attention to the tantrum. Once they begin to calm on their own you can say you are glad they are feeling better. Are you ready to fill-in-the-blank. Children also have tantrums when you remove them from doing something dangerous or basically any time you might not want them to do exactly what they are doing. They do have to learn that whatever they are doing is not safe or acceptable and you will stop it.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Thanks for these tips! I’m a nanny for a 2 year old boy that just screams at the top of his lungs. It’s so hard to know what he wants but I noticed he’s either hungry, thirsty or sometimes just wants his way. I point to the objects to see if thats what he wants and if it is, he smiles. Then we’re both happy. I will surely come back to this blog for advice. Thanks again!