Mommy, Should I Be Scared of School?

Sittercity Addresses How to Talk to Kids About Tragedy

(Chicago, Ill.) - Why did that happen? Am I safe? What if it happens again? Could it happen to me? In the somber aftermath of tragedy, we adults aren't the only ones asking tough questions.

In light of the recent tragic events at Virginia Tech, children may be seeing very disturbing images on television or hearing scary stories about violence while at school. Sittercity, the nation's first and largest online matchmaking site for parents and sitters, is helping parents and sitters cope with questions that may come up after a catastrophic event.

"Parents will have a tough enough time answering questions from their kids--what about their sitters?," said Genevieve Thiers, founder and CEO of Sittercity. "We have some tried and true tips to help parents--and caregivers--answer those tough questions."

Sittercity's tips to help kids deal with tragedy include:

Wait for the child to bring it up.
There's no need to call attention to a gruesome situation if the child hasn't recognized it. Whether he's too young to understand what's going on or simply isn't ready to discuss it yet, you don't need to be concerned about delving into the tragedy. If you are the babysitter, don't feel responsible for initiating such a complicated, emotional discussion. Let the parents decide how they want to approach it.

Give examples of how the child is safe.
After a school shooting or similar attack, children often become more concerned with the safety of their own schools and environments. Remind these children of which adults they can reach out to when they feel unsure about a situation, such as police officers, crossing guards, teachers - and you.

Focus on heroic actions.
Highlighting the good that comes out of a horrible situation helps children feel less hopeless about it. Focus on the brave individuals whose actions saved lives, the assistance offered by people around the country and how the community has become stronger by working together to rebuild their lives.

Be aware of your own reaction.
It's certainly understandable for you to feel anxious, upset, agitated - any range of emotions. But try to remain calm and relaxed when speaking with the child to put him at ease. Otherwise, he will feed off your nerves and become more upset. It is okay to tell the child that you feel sad too, as this will help legitimize his own feelings.

Allow the child to express his emotions.
Children must know that it is okay for them to feel whatever it is they feel following a tragedy, since this will help them reconcile those feelings and begin the healing process. Reassure the child that it is okay to feel upset, disturbed and scared, but also encourage him to use his words to express how he feels.

Keep your personal morals at bay.
It's not up to babysitters to provide these children with moral guidance - that's the parent's job. Now is not the time for the sitters to reveal their feelings about gun control laws, immigration, foreign policy, the administration, etc. If you are a sitter, regardless of how you feel about such politically charged issues, leave the value judgments to the parents.

Watch for signs that the child may need help.
Nightmares, bed-wetting, increased fear/anxiousness, fighting, loss of appetite, headaches or stomachaches, irritability, withdrawal, clinginess - these can alert you that your child, or the child you're sitting for, needs help. You may want to talk to a professional about seeking long-term guidance and/or therapy.

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