Dads are so good at telling bad jokes—and we love them for that. Celebrate dads everywhere with a few jokes that are sure to make everyone laugh (or groan)!

  1. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
  2. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
  3. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  4. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  5. When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
  6. My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
  7. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
  8. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
  9. KID: “Dad, make me a sandwich!” DAD: “Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
  10. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  11. CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”
  12. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  13. When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: “They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
  14. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  15. I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
  16. When you ask a dad if he’s alright: “No, I’m half left.”
  17. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
  18. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
  19. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
  20. Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.
  21. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
  22. I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
  23. When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: “No, I got them all cut!”
  24. What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
  25. You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
  26. Why wasn’t the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.
  27. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
  28. I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
  29. As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
  30. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.
  31. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
  32. I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
  33. What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
  34. DAD, TO A SINGER: “Don’t forget a bucket.” SINGER: “Why?” DAD: “To carry your tune.”
  35. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
  36. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
  37. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
  38. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
  39. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
  40. Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
  41. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  42. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
  43. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
  44. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  45. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  46. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  47. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
  48. I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
  49. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  50. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
  51. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
  52. It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
  53. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
  54. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
  55. I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!
  56. My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
  57. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
  58. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
  59. I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
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